Sunday, June 5, 2011

The Long Lunch, the Man of Constant Sorrow and the Remains of the Cheese

The Long Lunch, the Man of Constant Sorrow and the Remains of the Cheese

Three tragically amusing short stories revealing the pitfalls of marriage, friendship and romance after forty.

The Long Lunch - A slightly scandalous tale revealing the trials and tribulations of online dating for women over forty

…You’re divorced and over it. Been over it for a while, and you’re ready to meet someone new NOW. Someone completely, utterly new. A person from a different walk of life, preferably well-heeled, with no commitments, and no baggage ‘cause you deserve nothing less after all you’ve been through. But where do you meet a person, a real man, like that? It could be tricky ‘cause you’re in your mid-forties, and haven’t dated for nigh twenty years. Regardless, you have started looking. At work, and around your neighbourhood where, you realize, there’s simply no-one around worth the effort. So you widen the search, you’re contemplating going cyber where you could join a dating site. Apparently it’s great — you’ve heard, but not from anyone you know. Still, all those testimonials can’t be wrong; this just might be worth a try …

The Man of Constant Sorrow - A very public and altogether sordid tale of a 40th birthday celebration taking place at the races

… So. Your bestie is turning 40. Today. It’s half past two on a Saturday arvo and you and her and six other of her besties are piling into a maxi taxi, which seems pretty clean but still quite short of the splendor of the stretch limo you originally planned. However, the Event has been scaled down; four women were unable to make it due to family commitments of the usual Saturday afternoon kind, regardless of the six weeks’ notice. So. Out with the limo — ‘cause it would cost too much split between just seven people — and in with the maxi taxi, which is full to bursting with … mayhem you quietly observe, noting the time and thinking it’s a bit too early for the champagne. But champagne it is …

The Remains of the Cheese - A savory tale of bedroom secrets, moral dilemmas and the reckless consumption of far too many bottles of very cheap champagne

… You have this friend you meet with once a week. You’ve been friends for years, met a long time ago when you were both first-time mothers at a local playgroup. You just happened to enter the community hall at the same time, bumped into each other at the door. The kids were wearing the same outfit (Thomas the Tank Engine, a t-shirt and shorts ensemble with a hat thrown in) and it was as good a conversation starter as any. The kids have since grown apart, found new friends at their school but you’ve stuck at it despite your fickle kids who, let’s face it, haven’t been the focus of your friendship for years now. Playgroup dead and buried, you’ve kept up the deal on the strength of the wine and cheese evenings you take turns to host at each other’s houses when your husbands are out …

The Tale of A Worthy Albeit Slightly Flatulent Young Man, and No Other Stories

The Tale of a Worthy Albeit Flatulent Young Man and No Other Stories

A fragrant account of one man's struggle to succeed against incredible odds. (Inspirational)

Cursed with a stupid name and an embarrassing condition — TMG/CEFD (Too Much Gas/Continual Excessive Flatulence Disorder) otherwise known as F.L.A.T.U.L.E.N.C.E Disorder (Fetid, Loud, Abominably Turbulent & Utterly Lethal, Extremely Noxious Current (wind) Expulsion Disorder) commonly referenced as FLATULENCE, Jesus Kryst was a thoroughly unfortunate man. Farting uncontrollably all the time, Jesus suffered ridicule, bad luck and persecution, and was about to throw in the towel when he discovered the power of the fart and turned his life around.

This fragrant and inspirational account of one man’s struggle to succeed against incredible odds is sure to bring a tear to your eye and a scented hankie to your nose. Illustrated by the author whose vivid imagination and sledgehammer wit has become legendary to her fans (4), The Tale of a Worthy Albeit Slightly Flatulent Young Man is well worth the $0.99 download fee. Enjoy!

Solicited testimonials:

Aromatic and pungent … Fan Number 1

A tour de force to be reckoned with ... Fan Number 2

The truth reeks … Fan Number 3

Deliciously putrid … Fan Number 4

A stinking tale … A randomly approached reader who is NOT a fan

Featured in the collection of amusing short stories titled The English Patient, Dr Zhivago and the Purposeful Stride, and Other Stories now available to download from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, Apple and everywhere else on the net for a very reasonable price.

 Let me know what you thought, cheers xo

The Silly Adventures of Shloppy the Plop & Edmund the Cat, Book 1

Shloppy is a plop. Edmund is a cat. Shloppy and Edmund are best friends. Shloppy likes to sing and Edmund likes to eat. Shloppy and Edmund spend a lot of time together doing funny things. They go fishing. They climb trees. They jump over houses. Sometimes they go exploring in the forest. Best of all, they like to skate and learn new tricks, and show them here, in this seriously cute cartoon series for seriously cute but still extremely cool kids.

The Silly Adventures of Shloppy the Plop & Edmund the Cat is a comic book series directed at primary school boys from 6 years of age. Featuring humorous storylines and easy-to-understand age-appropriate dialogue and illustrations, the series aims to attract children who are reluctant readers. Written and illustrated by Ivana Hrubá, an experienced early childhood teacher, the series offers a bridging experience for the early reader whose reading skills and attention span are not sufficiently developed for reading chapter books. Featuring two main characters, Shloppy the Plop, a very cute mythical creature with mannerisms, behaviours and interests of a typical young boy, and Shloppy’s best friend, a cat called Edmund, the short, humorous stories depict everyday situations most children experience during the course of their daily lives, as well as imaginary adventures all children can relate to.